Hindered (1581) (ekkopto from ek =from, out + kópto = cut) literally means to cut off or from (literally of a tree - Mt 3:10). It was used as a military metaphor meaning to cut in on, throw obstacles in the way of, or cut up the road so that normal movement was impossible. It means to cause to cease by removing, to do away with, to eliminate and more figuratively as in the present verse to hinder, frustrate, impede or retard. Related Resource: See Word Study on Hinder, thwart (1465) egkopto/enkopto Note that ekkopto is used here in 1Peter 3:7 by the Greek Textus Receptus (from which the King James translation derives), while the more modern manuscripts use egkopto/enkopto (NAS). The idea inherent in both verbs is the same so that in Peter's warning failure to treat one's wife with understanding will get in the way of or cut off the husband's attempts to pray. TDNT writes that in secular Greek ekkopto had several nuances... a. The first sense of ekkopto is “to strike out” (e.g., the eyes, branches in pruning, etc.). b. A second sense is “to break open” (doors, locks, etc.). c. A third meaning is “to hew down” (trees) d. Figuratively we then have the sense “to drive out” or e. “to exclude” or “repel.” f. Another figurative meaning is “to extirpate” or “destroy” (cities etc., but also states of mind, impulses, claims, etc) (Kittel, G., Friedrich, G., & Bromiley, G. W. Theological Dictionary of the New Testament. Eerdmans) Ekkopto - 11 NT uses and 36 in the Septuagint (LXX) (Gen. 32:8; 36:35; Exod. 21:27; 34:13; Num. 16:14; Deut. 7:5; 12:3; 20:19f; Jos. 15:16; Jdg. 16:21; 21:6; 1 Ki. 15:13; 2 Chr. 14:3, 14f; 31:1; Job 14:7; 19:10; 17" class="scriptRef">42:17; Ps. 74:5; Prov. 30:17; Isa. 9:10; 27:9; Jer. 6:6; 10:3; 22:7; 44:7f; 23" class="scriptRef">46:23; Dan. 2:40; 4:14, 17, 23; 9:26; Mic. 5:14; Zech. 12:11) Matthew 3:10 "And the axe is already laid at the root of the trees; every tree therefore that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Matthew 5:30-note "And if your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off, and throw it from you; for it is better for you that one of the parts of your body perish, than for your whole body to go into hell. Matthew 7:19-note "Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Matthew 18:8 "And if your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; it is better for you to enter life crippled or lame, than having two hands or two feet, to be cast into the eternal fire. Luke 3:9 "And also the axe is already laid at the root of the trees; every tree therefore that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire." Luke 13:7 "And he said to the vineyard-keeper, 'Behold, for three years I have come looking for fruit on this fig tree without finding any. Cut it down! Why does it even use up the ground?' Luke 13:9 and if it bears fruit next year, fine; but if not, cut it down.'" Romans 11:22-note Behold then the kindness and severity of God; to those who fell, severity, but to you, God's kindness, if you continue in His kindness; otherwise you also will be cut off. Comment: Paul is speaking of an eternally dire state, in which people are cut off from spiritual opportunity to be saved and by default are given over to eternal judgment judgment. Romans 11:24-note For if you were cut off from what is by nature a wild olive tree, and were grafted contrary to nature into a cultivated olive tree, how much more shall these who are the natural branches be grafted into their own olive tree? 2Corinthians 11:12 But what I am doing, I will continue to do, that I may cut off opportunity from those who desire an opportunity to be regarded just as we are in the matter about which they are boasting. 1 Peter 3:7 You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. Webster says that hinder means to make slow or difficult the progress of and stresses causing harmful or annoying delay or interference with progress. Ekkopto is in the present tense indicating continuous action (continuously cut off - at least until we confess, repent and obey) and the passive voice which signifies the action of hindering comes from an outside source, specifically God. Failure to give due honor to the wife will result in a cutting in on the efficacy of prayer, probably both his individual prayers & their united prayer times. Mark it down: A husband's domestic relationship to his wife has a profound impact on his own spiritual fellowship with God! This warning is very vivid to us now with ''call waiting'' in which one party abruptly says ''Excuse me while I get this other line!" In context this might refer specifically to the husband’s prayer! Our fellowship with God can never be right, if our fellowship with our fellow-man is wrong. It is when we are at one (peace, unity, one heart and mind) with each other that we are most at one with our God. Do not be deceived. John explains that... If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth, 7 but if we walk in the light as He Himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. 8 If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us. (1Jn1:6-9) Disrupted husband to wife communication places a "brass roof" over the husband's prayers so that they do not ascend to the throne of God. The Psalmist writes that... If I regard ("to look with favor upon" or "plan") wickedness in my heart, Jehovah will not hear. (Ps 66:18) Spurgeon's commenting on this verse writes = If, having seen it to be there, I continue to gaze upon it without aversion; if I cherish it, have a side glance of love toward it, excuse it, and palliate it; The Lord will not hear me. How can he? Can I desire Him to connive at my sin, and accept me while I wilfully cling to any evil way? Nothing hinders prayer like iniquity harboured in the breast; as with Cain, so with us, sin lieth at the door, and blocks the passage. If thou listen to the devil, God will not listen to thee. If you refuse to hear God's commands, He will surely refuse to hear thy prayers. An imperfect petition God will hear for Christ's sake, but not one which is wilfully miswritten by a traitor's hand. For God to accept our devotions, while we are delighting in sin, would be to make Himself the God of hypocrites, which is a fitter name for Satan than for the Holy One of Israel. Our fellowship with God is closely related to that with his fellow human beings John making this quite clear writing that... We love, because He first loved us. 20 If someone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen. 21 And this commandment we have from Him, that the one who loves God should love his brother also. (1Jn 4:19, 20, 21) Another way to look at this verse is to realize that God is so concerned that Christian husbands live in an understanding and loving way with their wives, that he "interrupts" His relationship with them when they are not treating their wives in a manner worthy of the Lord (cp grieving the Spirit - Ep 4:30-note). The application of the principle in this passage in the life of every Christian husband is absolutely vital. No Christian husband should presume to think that any spiritual good will be accomplished by his life without an effective ministry of prayer. And no husband may expect an effective prayer life unless he lives with his wife "in an understanding way, granting her honor". Husbands remember that the first manifestation of genuine, Spirit enabled love is a long fuse... Love is patient (makrothumeo - makro = long + thumos = anger) , love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant (1Co 13:4-note) John MacArthur (How to Win Your Unbelieving Spouse) has a "checklist" to assess how we are doing as a marriage partner... 1. Complete the following evaluation, asking the Lord to help you improve where necessary as a marriage partner: Study Philippians 2:3, 4-note and Ephesians 4:1, 2, 3-note and write out five specific ways to demonstrate to your spouse that he or she is important. Evaluate the changes you would like to see in your mate. Will they truly help your mate or are they for your own benefit? List five things you do to please your mate and five things you should do more often. List five deficiencies you have as a marriage partner. Specifically list ways you can change. 2. The wife is to be submissive, faithful, and modest toward her husband; and the husband is to show consideration, chivalry, and companionship toward his wife. Answer the following practical questions as a way of measuring those virtues in your life: Are you faithful to maintain your spiritual life through Bible study, prayer, regular church attendance, and fellowship with God's people? Do you ask forgiveness when you have done something wrong? Do you accept corrective criticisms graciously? Do you make excessive demands upon your mate, expecting too much from him or her? Do you allow your mate to make mistakes without condemning him or her? Do you focus on what you appreciate about your mate, or do you tend to find fault with him or her? Can you discuss differing viewpoints without becoming irritated or upset? When you disagree with your mate, do you seek biblical answers for the problem instead of blowing up emotionally or verbally attacking your mate? Are you a good listener when your mate tries to explain something? Do you become irritated over your mate's weaknesses, or do you provide acceptance, encouragement, and a proper example? If you've spotted some problems in your life, prayerfully seek to make the necessary corrections. To help you in your resolve, seek the counsel and accountability of a godly friend who is a fellow wife or husband. Husbands... Honestly ask yourself these questions... 1. Are we partners or competitors? 2. Are we helping each other become more spiritual? 3. Are we depending on the externals or the eternals? The artificial or the real? 4. Do we understand each other better? 5. Are we sensitive to each other’s feelings and ideas, or taking each other for granted? 6. Are we seeing God answer our prayers? 7. Are we enriched because of our marriage, or robbing each other of God’s blessing? (adapted from Warren Wiersbe) J H Jowett... “What is the last lineament in this ideal portraiture? How else must the husband live? “That your payers be not hindered.” [Verse 7] His conduct has to be the helpmeet of his prayers. There has to be no discord between the one and the other. The spirit of his supplications is to be found in his behaviour. When he has been into the garden of the Lord in lonely communion, the fragrance of the flowers has to cling to his garments when he moves about in the common life of the home. Here is a man, living out his own prayers, taking the spirit of his communion into ordinary conduct, so demeaning himself that his highest aspirations may receive fulfilment. “Whatever he prays for he seeks to be, finding a pertinent duty in every supplication. “Who would not covet such a companionship? The character of the ideal husband is just a beautiful commingling of reasonableness and reverence, manifesting itself in conduct which is in harmony with the range and aspirations of his prayers. Here, then, are the spiritual portraitures of the wife and the husband: on the one hand, the robe of purity, the ornament of modesty, the grace of repose; on the other hand, an atmosphere of reasonableness, the temper of reverence, and the conformity of conduct and prayer. What, now, in the light of such relationships, can be the content of such terms as “subjection,” “obedience,” “fear”? The partners are a wife, clothed in purity, walking in modesty, with a reposefulness of spirit which reflects the very glory of God; and a husband, walking with his wife according to knowledge, bowing before her in reverence, and pervading all his behaviour with the temper of his secret communion with the Lord. There is no room for lordship, there is no room for servility. The subjection of the one is paralleled by the reverence of the other. I say there is no lordship, only eager helpfulness; there is no subjection, only the delightful ministry of fervent affection. The relationship is a mutual ministry of honour, each willing to be lost in the good and happiness of the other. Wherefore, “subject yourselves one to the other in the fear of Christ,” that in the communion of sanctified affection you may help one another into the light and joy and blessedness of the Christian. (1 Peter 3-1-8 Wives and Husbands.) ><>><>><> Opening the Door - When my wife and I went out to lunch with some friends, I noticed that the husband went around to the passenger side of the car and opened the door for his wife. I said to him, "Some women might consider that demeaning." "That's right," he said. "One woman saw me do that and remarked, 'I'm sure she's perfectly capable of opening the door for herself!' I told her, 'I don't open the door for my wife because she's incapable. I do it to honor her.'" Jesus treated women with the utmost respect and honor (Jn 4:1-38; 8:3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11; 19:25, 26, 27). Likewise, in 1Peter 3:7, husbands are instructed to live with their wives "with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel." Men and women both have their weaknesses, but in general, women are physically weaker than men and have unique needs and sensitivities. This in no way means they are inferior. In fact, Peter said that as Christians, men and women are "heirs together of the grace of life" (1Pe 3:7). Opening a door for a woman may seem to some like an old-fashioned courtesy. But it can also be a wonderful tribute to both the man and the woman if it symbolizes the honor and respect one has for the other. — Dennis J. De Haan (Our Daily Bread, Copyright RBC Ministries, Grand Rapids, MI. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved) THINKING IT OVER Read Ro 12:10-note and Php 2:3-note. How can you apply the truths of these verses to male and female relationships? We honor God when we honor one another. ><>><>><> Dwell With Understanding- My wife, Marlene, and I have been married for some 30 years, and have learned to appreciate each other and enjoy each other’s unique qualities. But even after all these years she still surprises me from time to time. Recently, she reacted to a news report in a way that was opposite to what I expected. I told her, “Wow, that shocks me. I never would have thought you would land there on this issue.” Her response? “Your job is to figure me out, and my job is to keep you guessing!” The responsibility to understand your spouse is what keeps married life interesting and stretching. This is an ancient challenge. Peter wrote: “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered” (1Peter 3:7). He saw it as a priority for the husband to become a student of his wife—to know and understand her. Without that commitment to understanding his spouse, a husband is not capable of doing what comes next—honoring her. As a husband, if I am to love my wife as Christ loves the church (Eph. 5:25-note), it will begin with the intentional effort to grow in my understanding of her. — Bill Crowder (Our Daily Bread, Copyright RBC Ministries, Grand Rapids, MI. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved) FOR FURTHER STUDY: For practical biblical advice on how to improve your marriage, check out Building Blocks To A Strong Marriage (click) Marriage thrives in a climate of love and respect. ><>><>><> Understand One Another - One of the best ways for a man to love his wife is to understand her. Peter explains that it is imperative for a husband to “dwell with [his wife] with understanding” (1Peter 3:7). This principle works both ways. Husbands want to be understood as well. Actually, we all do. Everyone, married or not, longs to be understood by others at the deepest possible level. We’re born with that need, and we never seem to outgrow it. It’s feeble avoidance to say we can’t understand one another. We can and we must. It takes time—time spent in one another’s presence asking questions, listening intently, then asking again. It’s as simple and as difficult as that. No one, of course, can fully plumb the mystery of another person’s heart, but we can learn something new every day. The wise man of Proverbs called understanding “a wellspring of life” (Pr 16:22), a deep source of wisdom to all who seek it. Again, I say, understanding takes time—one of the most precious gifts we can give to others. How we choose to spend our time is the surest indicator of how much we care for those we love. Ask the Lord today to give you the grace to take the time to understand the important people in your life. — David H. Roper (Our Daily Bread, Copyright RBC Ministries, Grand Rapids, MI. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved) To those whose lives we touch in life, To whom our love we would impart, The greatest gift that we can give May be an understanding heart. —Branon Listening is an open door to understanding. ><>><>><> Opening The Door - When my wife and I went out to lunch with some friends, I noticed that the husband went around to the passenger side of the car and opened the door for his wife. I said to him, "Some women might consider that demeaning." "That's right," he said. "One woman saw me do that and remarked, 'I'm sure she's perfectly capable of opening the door for herself!' I told her, 'I don't open the door for my wife because she's incapable. I do it to honor her.'" Jesus treated women with the utmost respect and honor (John 4:1-38; 8:3-11; 19:25, 26, 27). Likewise, in 1Peter 3:7, husbands are instructed to live with their wives "with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel." Men and women both have their weaknesses, but in general, women are physically weaker than men and have unique needs and sensitivities. This in no way means they are inferior. In fact, Peter said that as Christians, men and women are "heirs together of the grace of life" (1Pe 3:7). Opening a door for a woman may seem to some like an old-fashioned courtesy. But it can also be a wonderful tribute to both the man and the woman if it symbolizes the honor and respect one has for the other. — Dennis J. De Haan (Our Daily Bread, Copyright RBC Ministries, Grand Rapids, MI. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved) THINKING IT OVER Read Romans 12:10 and Philippians 2:3. How can you apply the truths of these verses to male and female relationships? We honor God when we honor one another. ><>><>><> Counterpoint - In a discussion about marriage, one person said, "The key to a good relationship is that 'two shall become one.'" Another countered, "Yes, but which one?" Is it possible to be "one" without sacrificing our individuality? Consider the musical term counterpoint —"the combination of two or more independent melodies into a single harmonic texture in which each retains its linear character." In Bach's "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring," a moving piano accompaniment (which sounds like a simple finger exercise) is set against a beautiful melody. Together they form a single piece without losing their distinctiveness. After instructing wives to submit to their husbands (1 Peter 3:1) and husbands to show their wives understanding and honor (1Pe 3:7), the apostle Peter said, "Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous; not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing" (1Pe 3:8, 9). How can two become one? Only through kindness and love; never by selfishness and retaliation. In the mystery of marriage, God allows each partner to be a unique melody. And in concert together, they become a beautiful harmony in His grand song. — David C. McCasland (Our Daily Bread, Copyright RBC Ministries, Grand Rapids, MI. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved) Harmony is pleasing In music and in life; What beauty when it resonates In husband and in wife! —Hess To keep harmony in your marriage, keep in tune with Christ. Pastor Steven Cole (Click link for 100's of expositional messages) has the following excellent message... Understanding Your Wife 1Pe 3:7 I read a fictional story called “Johnny Lingo’s Eight-Cow Wife” (by Patricia McGerr, Reader’s Digest [2/88], pp. 138-141) that is a parable on our text. It took place on a primitive Pacific island, where a man paid the dowry for his wife in cows. Two or three cows could buy a decent wife, four or five a very nice one. But Johnny Lingo had offered an unheard of eight cows for Sarita, a girl whom everyone in her home village thought rather plain looking. The local folks all made fun of Johnny, who they thought was crazy to pay so much for a wife. But when the teller of the story finally sees Johnny Lingo’s wife, he is stunned by her beauty. She asks him how this could be the same woman—how can she be so different? Johnny’s reply shows that he’s nobody’s fool: “Do you ever think,” he asked, “what it must mean to a woman to know that her husband has settled on the lowest price for which she can be bought? And then later, when the women talk, they boast of what their husbands paid for them. One says four cows, another maybe six. How does she feel, the woman who was sold for one or two? This could not happen to my Sarita.” “Then you did this just to make your wife happy?” “I wanted Sarita to be happy, yes. But I wanted more than that. You say she is different. This is true. Many things can change a woman. Things that happen inside, things that happen outside. But the thing that matters most is what she thinks about herself. In Kiniwata, Sarita believed she was worth nothing. Now she knows she is worth more than any other woman in the islands.” “Then you wanted—” “I wanted to marry Sarita. I loved her and no other woman.” “But--” I was close to understanding. “But,” he finished softly, “I wanted an eight-cow wife.” People tend to live up—or down—to how we treat them. If we offer repeated praise and affirmation, the person responds by living up to it. If we run the person down, they oblige us by meeting our negative expectations. Peter tells husbands that, like Johnny Lingo, they should treat their mates as eight-cow wives. Husbands should understand and honor their wives. The reason Peter gives this command may startle you, if you aren’t overly familiar with the verse. We are not to treat our wives well so that we will have happy marriages, although that will be one result. Rather, we are to treat our wives properly so that our prayers will not be hindered! Isn’t that startling—that there is an undeniable connection between how you treat your wife and your prayer life! Since effective prayer is at the heart of a walk with God, this means that if a man mistreats his wife, I don’t care what he claims, he cannot be enjoying close communion with God. Husbands are to understand and honor their wives so that they will have an effective prayer life. Although it is only a single verse, it is brimming with profound truth that will transform every marriage if we husbands will work at applying its principles. I would translate it freely like this: “Also, husbands should dwell together with their wives according to knowledge, assigning to them a place of honor as to a delicate instrument, namely, a feminine one, as a fellow-heir of the gracious gift of eternal life, so that a roadblock will not cut off your prayers.” There are two commands and one result: (1) Live with your wife according to knowledge; (2) Grant her honor as a fellow-heir of the grace of life (= salvation); (3) The result: So that your prayers will not be hindered. 1. Husbands are to understand their wives. We all have a deep-seated longing to be understood by at least one other person who cares for us and accepts us for who we are. We all enter marriage with high hopes for a deepening understanding to be built between us and our mate. And yet, all too often, a couple grows increasingly callused toward one another. In American culture, for some reason, men are often inept at understanding their wives on a deep level. So there are disappointments and hurt feelings that never get resolved. The husband shrugs his shoulders, ignores his wife whom he doesn’t understand, and pours himself into his job, which seems to be something he can handle. She shares her feelings with women friends and gets caught up in the frenzy of raising children and running a household. And then the nest starts emptying and the wife starts thinking about going back to school and getting a fulfilling job at about the same time the husband realizes that he isn’t fulfilled through his job and what he really wants is intimacy with his distant wife (or with a younger version who excites him more). It’s no surprise that the divorce curve shoots up at this point in life. This piece, called “The Wall” (author unknown) captures the drift that often sets in when understanding is lacking in a marriage: Their wedding pictures mocked them from the table, these two, whose minds no longer touched each other. They lived with such a heavy barricade between them that neither battering ram of words nor artilleries of touch could break it down. Somewhere, between the oldest child’s first tooth and the youngest daughter’s graduation, they lost each other. Throughout the years, each slowly unraveled that tangled ball of string called self, and as they tugged at stubborn knots each hid his searching from the other. Sometimes she cried at night and begged the whispering darkness to tell her who she was. He lay beside her, snoring like a hibernating bear, unaware of her winter.... She took a course in modern art, trying to find herself in colors splashed upon a canvas, and complaining to other women about men who were insensitive. He climbed into a tomb called “the office,” wrapped his mind in a shroud of paper figures and buried himself in customers. Slowly, the wall between them rose, cemented by the mortar of indifference. One day, reaching out to touch each other, they found a barrier they could not penetrate, and recoiling from the coldness of the stone, each retreated from the stranger on the other side. For when love dies, it is not in a moment of angry battle, nor when fiery bodies lose their heat. It lies panting, exhausted, expiring at the bottom of a wall it could not scale. No one plans for that to happen, but we all know it does happen all too frequently. How can we prevent it? By working at three aspects of understanding our wives implied in this verse: A. Understanding your wife involves developing and maintaining togetherness in your marriage. Peter says that you should “live with” your wife. You say, “I’ve got that down! We both live at the same address and share the same bed and eat many meals together.” But the Greek word means more than just sharing living quarters. It is used only here in the New Testament, but in the Greek Old Testament it is used several times to refer to the sexual relationship in marriage. Peter uses it to refer to the aspect of togetherness. A husband is to promote a spirit of emotional, spiritual, and physical closeness that is only possible in the commitment of marriage. It’s significant that Peter puts the responsibility for togetherness on the husband, not on the wife. In our culture, women are often the relational ones. Men aren’t real communicative; they just sort of grunt. But the Bible puts the burden for intimacy in marriage primarily on the husband, not on the wife. If there is a drift in your marriage, men, you are to take the initiative to bring things back together. This doesn’t mean that a wife can’t act first if she notices a distance in the relationship. But it does mean that as men we are to be active, not passive, in developing and maintaining a close relationship with our wives. I read a true story about a man who made a private vow to try to be a loving, giving, unselfish husband for the two weeks of the family’s vacation. He worked hard at noticing his wife, of attending to her needs, of doing what she wanted to do, even if he really rather would have done something else. It went great. Toward the end of the time, he made a new vow to keep on choosing to love his wife like this. But on the last night of the vacation, his wife was obviously upset. Finally she blurted, “Tom, do you know something I don’t?” “What do you mean?” he asked. “Well ... that checkup I had several weeks ago ...our doctor ... did he tell you something about me? Tom, you’ve been so good to me ... am I dying?” It took a moment for it all to sink in. Then Tom burst out laughing, took her in his arms, and said, “No, honey, you’re not dying; I’m just starting to live.” (Tom Anderson, “How Love Came Back,” Reader’s Digest [10/86], pp. 129-130.) Maybe husbands should treat their wives as if they were about to die! It may sound perfectly obvious, but one way to develop and maintain togetherness in your marriage is to do things together. So many couples live in their own separate worlds. Men, help your wife with the dishes sometimes, not just because she needs the help, but to be together. Take walks together, go shopping together when you can. If you can’t tolerate shopping, at least drive her there sometimes and sit in the mall and watch the people or read a book. The idea is, to be together so that you intertwine your lives. As Simone Signoret observed, “Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people together through the years.” B. Understanding your wife involves knowing her well. “Dwell together with your wives according to knowledge.” This comes partly through spending time together. The Greek word means to grasp the full reality and nature of the object, based upon experience and evaluation. It is the apprehension of truth, especially (in the N. T.) of spiritual truth (see point C). But here it refers not just to spiritual knowledge, but also to a knowledge of your wife based on careful observation. Shortly after Ray Perkins took over as head coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers football team, someone asked him if his wife objected to his 18-hour workdays. He replied, “I don’t know. I don’t see her that much.” He should have read the fortune cookie message that said, “If a man spend too much time with his fortune, someone else might steal his cookie!” Knowing your wife is not automatic. It takes time and effort. Every husband needs to become an avid student of his wife. You need to know her personality, her likes and dislikes, her needs, her strengths, her weaknesses, her fears, her hopes, her joys. Such knowledge is a personal trust to be guarded with great care. You should never bring up a vulnerable point as artillery in a disagreement. Elaine and Dave arrived at the hotel exhausted. Elaine had made all the arrangements for the room and the concert they planned to attend, and she let Dave know about it all the way, telling him how hard she’d worked to coordinate everything. Then—horrors—they walked up to the desk and the hotel manager told them they had no reservations. He pulled out the letter Elaine had written and proved he was right. “I had put down the wrong dates,” she groans. “And having been so full of myself, I thought for sure Dave would give me my comeuppance.” What Dave gave her instead was a hug. “Honey,” he said, “don’t worry. We’ll find something else.” It dawned on Elaine that she’d married the kind of person who never hits you when you’re down. (Judith Viorst, Reader’s Digest). That man knew his wife and he didn’t use his knowledge to tear her down, but to build her up. That’s what Peter is talking about. C. Understanding your wife involves knowing God and His truth well. To dwell with your wife “according to knowledge” means knowing her well. But also it has the nuance of knowing spiritual truth well. This is implicit in the phrase, “as fellow-heirs of the grace of life.” This points to the vast spiritual riches that are ours equally as men and women through faith in Christ (1Pe 1:4-note, 1Pe 1:13-note). As a husband leads his wife spiritually into a fuller knowledge of all that God has prepared for those who love Him, they will grow together in a depth of intimacy the world can’t know. In knowing God and His Word, we will come to know ourselves and our wives and thus be able to relate to them more adequately. This means, men, that if you’re spiritually passive, you’re not being obedient to what God wants you to be doing as a husband. A lot of men feel inadequate spiritually. Their wives spend time going to Bible studies so that they know more about spiritual things than their husbands do. Many men leave early for work and come home late, too exhausted to spend time alone with God. I know it’s tough. But you can do what you want to do, and if growing and leading your family spiritually is a priority, you can do it. Thus our first responsibility is to understand our wives, which means developing togetherness, knowing her well, and knowing God and His truth well. 2. Husbands are to honor their wives. The word “grant” means to assign or apportion that which is due. A wife deserves honor (the Greek word has the nuance of value or worth). Grammatically, the phrase “as a delicate instrument, namely, a feminine one” can go either with “dwell together according to knowledge” or with “assigning her a place of honor.” I take it with the latter, the sense being, rather than take advantage of your wife because she is physically weaker, you should treat her carefully as you would a valuable instrument. A doctor would never think of taking an expensive, delicate instrument and using it to pound a nail. He would “honor” that instrument by treating it well. In my opinion, if Christian husbands had practiced this well, we wouldn’t have the backlash of the so-called “evangelical feminist” movement. Notice the fine balance that Peter lays out: On the one hand, the wife is the “weaker vessel,” who should submit to her husband (1Pe 3:1-note) for the protection and care she needs. On the other hand, she is a fellow-heir of the grace of life, which means that she is not inferior personally or spiritually. Her husband is not to dominate her, but rather to assign to her a place of honor. Thus the Bible maintains a distinctive role for the sexes, but it does not put down women as second-class citizens. A major part of honoring your wife involves how you speak to her and about her. There is no room for jokes or sarcasm that put down your wife. Also, if you have children, it is your job as head of the household to make sure that they honor their mother. You model it by treating her with honor, but you enforce it by disciplining them for disrespect toward her. You should join the husband of the virtuous woman (Pr 31:10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 29, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31) in singing her praises. One of the things I often say to Marla and about her behind her back is that she makes our home a refuge for me. She serves you as a church by doing that, so that I get recharged for the ministry by being at home with her. So the two commands are, Understand your wife; and, honor your wife. The result is: 3. The result of understanding and honoring your wife will be an effective prayer life. As I said, this is a somewhat startling conclusion. I would think that Peter would have said, “so that you will have a happy marriage,” or “so that God will be glorified.” Both will be true, of course. But Peter is calling attention to something we often forget or deny: That there is always a correlation between your relationship with your wife and your relationship with God (Mt 5:23, 24-note; Mt 6:14, 15-note). If you don’t want a roadblock thrown up in your prayer life, then you must understand and honor your wife. It’s also interesting that if the Greek word translated “dwell together” has a sexual connotation, then both here and in 1Co 7:1, 2, 3, 4, 5, Scripture brings together that which we invariably separate, namely, sex and prayer. (I’ll let you explore the theological implications of that!) But please note: If your prayers are not effective, your life is not effective in the ultimate sense. Prayer is at the very center of life, since it is our link with the living God. Everything else in life hinges on having an effective prayer life. Yet, sadly, many Christian couples never pray together. If you don’t pray with your wife, men, why not swallow your pride or fear and begin? Conclusion Husbands, your work is cut out for you: To make your wife an “eight-cow” wife! You are to understand her and honor her so that your prayers will not be hindered. The late Bible teacher Harry Ironside once had a super-spiritual young man come to him and say, “Dr. Ironside, I have a spiritual problem. I love my wife too much!” He probably thought that Ironside would commend him for his great dedication to God. But instead, Ironside wisely asked him, “Do you love her as much as Christ loved the church?" When the young man stammered, "Well, no, I don’t love her that much" Ironside said, “Then go get on with it, because that’s the command.” Discussion Questions 1. How can a man who has trouble expressing his feelings learn to communicate? 2. How can a man with a habit of putting down his wife learn to build her up instead? 3. How can a man who feels inadequate learn to lead spiritually?