How I Learned To Love - Part 3
By Marilynne E. Foster
I had never really learned to love. Oh yes, I had some of that kind of love that comes from the emotions. For a long time I didn't realize it. My husband would ask me, "Why don't you tell me that you love me?" Do you know why I didn't tell him more often that I loved Him? Because I didn't want it to be a lie. I didn't always feel that I loved him. Once in awhile when I "felt loving" I would tell him, but those times could be counted up in a hurry. He'd say, "Do you love me?" And I'd say "Of course." Or "Don't ask such silly questions," or "What do you think?" as if to say that that was a stupid question to ask. After all, aren't wives supposed to love their husbands?
This all began to bother me. And it bothered me so much that finally I admitted to the Lord that maybe there was something wrong with me, and maybe I did need to learn to love.
I told the Lord that day, "When I see someone who knows how to love, not in this way that I think I love, but in the right way, in Your way, then I will talk with him." Now I had never confided in anyone in all my life, not in my parents nor my husband, nor in any minister. So to promise the Lord that I would seek counsel was quite a step in itself.
Then one summer I met evangelist Carmelo Terranova who came to preach in our church. It was evident that he was man who knew how to love, a man that loved in a way that few people I had ever met knew how to love. I arranged to have an interview with him. I said to him, "I want to learn to love."
His counsel to me was very simple. "You must start by saying, "I love you." This is where you have the difficulty and this is where you must begin."
Now I felt like arguing with him. Wasn't it a lie to say, "I love you," when you didn't really feel like it? "No," he said, "don't worry about that. Just start saying it and the feeling will come."
I started first by saying to the Lord, "I love you, Lord," Now that was hard enough. But to say it my husband, that was something else! At first I kind of said it in passing. He nearly fainted! And then to the children. I used to say "Mommy loves you." That was a nice convenient "third person" way of getting around it. Now I said, "I love you to each child and saying their names. Oh, it was hard, very heard. But surprise of surprises, the feeling started to come. And it really came! I could lift my ands to the Lord and say from the depth of my heart, "Lord, I love. I love you Lord."
What freedom this all brought! Those walls inside me began to fall. You see, when we truly love and are giving ourselves for the good of others, we leave ourselves open to hurt and we make ourselves vulnerable, I didn't want to be vulnerable, so I had built up walls around my heart to protect myself. But by saying, "I love you," and by shedding tears, something else which I had always hated to do, especially in front of people, the walls began to fall. I could feel it inside – a crack here, a piece falling there, and finally one wall after another tumbling down. Praise the Lord for this wonderful freedom!
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